oh well, i just read dani's journal. she has been through so much in her life i feel so bad for her right now. i hope the dark shadows of depression loosen the grip on her. i need her to keep me alive. i sware if she wasnt in my 2nd and 3rd hours this year i probly wouldnt be here. im seriouse, she knows the story....she is the one who called. i dont want to tell my story, i feel like a freakin copy cat! but then agian i guess i do want to tell if im having this hard of a time decideing. she said it would help to tell someone, which i still havent done yet. i donno what it is. i just cant. but i wanna. wow that made no sence at all. see what happens....danielle!!! you make me think! i have poems i write, and no body knows how many times i've tried to write the story of my life. but i've never been able to do it. i just freeze up, and forget about it. i dont want to face whats happend in my past. well i might as well sence i told dani i would when i came over, and that plan was blown to hell, we had a visitor....not to mention any names (will) lol j/k i love him hes great, you just cant hate on will hes good ppl. mikes cool to, still a little wierd around me, and i think hes afraid of me a little but he makes dani happy and dani is one of my best friends. jaz is great to. shes always so funny. shes ganna live with me in my billion dallor house im ganna have built, she would live with dani but dani has this thing where she can make you cry and still have the same face the hole time. its quit funny acctually, i mean if she told me she was ganna shoot me in the face the next time she saw me, while smiling i would laugh my ass of, of course i would be terrified, but still sane enough to laugh.

                        My Story <~~hes so cute!

ok i was born semptember 11,1988 in lapeer. i lived in Davison in these one apartments. my dad, drank a lot of jackdaneils. he was drunk a lot of the time but because i was so little my mom tried her best to make him not yell all the time. i lived there till' we got this one house in otter lake, which we called the blue house.....im ganna cry....... the blue house. the house with all the nightmares. well after the apartments things got bad. my dad was drinking more and he was cheating on my mom a lot. not only that but my half brother andy, (dads son) decided to come over and stay with us for a while. thats the first time i was molested. i hate him for it. and i just want him to die. he left after a couple weeks because my dad got drunk and dug up some old dirt and pissed him off. he ran away to florida. back to his mom. every night after that i would hear my mom and dad fighting. screaming and yelling at each other. i remember laying in bed, and hearing glass breaking, mostly dishes that my dad thru. sometimes it would be a window that broke. and then it got worse. like a year later things cleared for a little while, gave my brother me and mom sometime to breath. my dad wasnt home much then. we found out later that it was because he was seeing this other women. when my mom found out she was pissed. but my dad kept seeing her. at dinner i remember my dad saying he was taking off. he was ganna go see her. then my mom would get mad and they would yell, break more dishes, till' this one time when my dad punched my mom in the face, and my mom hit him back. me and my brother were in the living room, crying. every now and then my dad would look back at us while yelling at my mom, and he would scream "what the hell are you crying for". once he took a broom and pushed my mom agianst the wall, i saw the look he gave her, even though he was drunk, that look of anger was still there. he looked like he wanted to kill her. everyday they faught. and every day i watched them.and cried. he would constantly tell her how much he hated her. and that he didnt love her anymore. they would say such hurtfull words, that they didnt think affected us, but they did. my dad finaly did something i can thank him for, he told my mom he wanted a devorce. we moved to my grandma's house (nanny) ....to be continued

Currently Playing Tainted Love By Marilyn Manson god damn why are you askin me!! see related

ok anyways, i've been talkin to myself for a while. trying to understand why i have a problem with accepting my problems. however, for some reason, got it stuck in my head that danielle is my problem cuz she told me i have a problem with accepting my problems and quit frankly i dont accept the fact that she says i have problems. wow slow down i just got a little dizzy there, you see this is why i dont think about my problems, not that im saying i have problems cuz i dont. i've been up sence 3:30am drinkin capachino, and pop so im a little wired. well im ganna go snoop around dani's journal.

                                      ~bye

p.s. dani if your reading this your com will

explode in 5....4.....hahaha j/k no but really, i made a journal for both of us to write in check it out! put in xxalyssa_danixx and the pass word....well just call me for that.<~~~~~wow look at him go!!!

Currently Playing Dragula By Rob Zombie see related

ok im freezing right now.....i guess dani didnt get her internet back. i took a look at her journal and there was no new entery. she must be going crazy right now. i feel for you dani.....i had fun at dani's house yesterday. it was great. i wonder if jaz is still mad? i loved my gift that i got from her. it was like the coolest box of stuff ever! and yes i do mean ever.....no body has ever gotten a box as great as mine. i especially like the "caution" box. it means a lot to me. but its so damn hard to resist it. oh god! the temtation is unbareable! why dani why must you torment me so? i love the CD its by far the best one yet. and dont get me started on the sticky notes and the fuzzy pen (that i cant put down), i might add! i kinda feel bad though. i spent like 10 hours on that damn game. sorry dani. i wonder how jasper is by the way......poor little kitty....Will had to tourtcher the poor thing. you know i really dont know whats up with my family but its making me a very angry being...do you hear that Mike.....VERY ANGRY......maybe enough to kill some one.  ...no, your still not on the list! but im seriouse. my mom is always mad, my dad is always drunk and mad, my brother  is doing all thats in his power to piss me off, and i donno what to do. like when i was over dani's house......they went and got the tree. and nobody decorated it......that is untill i got tired of seeing an emty tree in the living room so i did it myself. we havent even gone christmas shoping yet! we're soposed to go tomarrow....my dad gave me $100 to shop for ever 1. i dont even know what to get. i hate christmas anymore......nothing but the prestents make me happy....i used to like it for the simple fact that the family was all together but now its like......"woop dee do .......christmas is here" i am glad ,however, that i didnt get the chance to talk to dani about my life. i really didnt feel like crying in front of her although i already have b 4. i dont think she should be burdanend with my life. shes a good friend and i know she would understand.....i mean come on , she "gets " me better than my mom does. she also thinks that i cant accept anything. which might be true, but still its not like i wont accept it. so what if i dont think i have a problem. what if i dont. think about it now, lets see what would be concitered a problem i have.....my dad drinks......well so do a lot of dads. which doesnt make it a problem it just makes it somthing that happens. like me cutting myself....i know im not the only one who does it, now its either a huge problem or its just what i, and a lot of other people do too.  well i oght to be going now.....i have more things to put in the "happy terror" section of my lovely book. Merry F***in' Christmas

                                   ~Alyssa, Kravin, Madulaoblumgatta, and Kryptin

Currently Playing Nobody's Home By Avril Lavigne something not quite Chippewa see related

.....this iSnt great.....yOu know christMas sucks rEal bad. no body is ever happy         aT home. my dad Is always drunk and My mom is so sad all thE time. my brother iS just wIerd. the other day When dAni gave me the "peNis" she wroTe some things in it That wOrried me a lot. i got so scareD. oh yeah I had fun at your housE dani. and i found a name for the little guy with one strand of hair for a beered<~~~cant spell.....anyways, his name is Madulaoblumgatta! lol hes great. yeah i know its great. i finaly got the last piece of Dani's present sO i caN starT making it now. hopefully i'll have it done by friday so i can get mine. goodie i cant wiat. im happy that You (dani) have accepted that your cOmpletly "fUcked" in the head.i on the other hand, will prolly never accept the fact that i have a problem......but i dont mean that much to myself so it really doesnt matter. i just got the pictues for the "Happy Terror" part of the book of broken cheese. im ganna be a little deppesed tomarrow. just a warning. it just goes to show you how ugly suicide really is. believe me i have pictures. well im off now. the sionide pill i took should be taking affect soon.......*looks at sky*.....i wonder,will i dream?             ~South Park~